And then I met him

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I was with a girl relationship before for quite some time- 3 years to be exact. That long, that serious but not that kind of forever relationship I guess. For awhile I thought about the idea that she will be the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with. And then one day it hits me straight to my stomach that I was just in love with the idea that I was JUST in love and no other plans. That day I felt awful, I felt like I’m the worst person that could ever exist because I was hurting her. But then I realised staying with her not feeling anything will be the most hurtful thing in the world. And so then I left. I said goodbye.

A year had passed, I began to be happy again, not with someone but with how things are going with me. Career, friends and family in general. The longing to be with someone never crossed my mind. I was enjoying life. I was kind of dating and seeing people and learning things I haven’t done for the last 4 years. It was amazing, to be honest.

But life wouldn’t be all like that forever, I won’t be just dating people and learning things over and over again. I needed someone. Truth be told I wasn’t looking, I was waiting for the perfect time that I will meet someone.

I never questioned my sexuality back then because I know I was into guys, and then I met my ex-girlfriend and things changed. I was determined that I like girls because I like her and because I was with her. But after we broke up, I started to feel having tiny crushes to guys. I thought I was weird. I never knew I will go back to this cycle AGAIN.

You see, I never had the best past experiences in life. I always learned things the hard way. I didn’t have a father figure growing up, to look up to, to say that “men will hurt you but I will always protect you because you’re my little girl”. Because he was different, he never showed me what a true loyal man is. My first boyfriend cheated on me when it was just the third month we’ve been together. It was my first ever heartbreak, the only time I thought someone loves me but fucked everything up. He asked for a space, I waited but he never came back. (Btw) he cheated right in front of my face. I felt disgusted, I felt like I will never find a real guy. And that was the main reasons why I’m having a hard time trusting guys.

But one day after being single for a year, I woke up telling myself, it’s time for me to be in love again. I was going out with friends thinking I will find someone serious. BUT that idea suck balls! So I tried dating apps (Yes, you heard it right). I was kind of pushing back the thought of using it cause I know nothing good comes out of it. But still, I tried it. Few swipe and also few perverts you’ll encounter. HA!

And then some guy message me one day, I ignored him and let some time passed by, then… I replied. Then we started having a good conversation. From conversation to meeting him in person. (Super cheesy line coming) It was love at first sight (kbye). But after meeting him for 2 days he went back to the states. 😦

Being in a long distance relationship takes enough courage and strength. It was really really hard. It needs two people to make it work. To be honest, I was scared at first, I didn’t know what will happen, how this thing works or what are the chances of surviving this kind of relationship. But I took the risk because I know this person is worth taking any risk.

It wasn’t easy, the distance, the time difference and the physical connection were the real challenges. Our relationship wasn’t that perfect, I did things I wish I didn’t because it will make him question my sincerity of this relationship. And how I wish I didn’t do it. Because God knows how much I love and committed I am to this guy. He made sense to all the imperfection of my life. And every day I look forward to seeing him and just talk about random things or simply know how our day went (shoutout to facetime).

3 months passed and I feel like I’ve known him for a very long time. The things we did together despite the distance made me realise this guy was really worth the chance. He was perfect for me. He was the guy who sees my flaws as beautiful. He’s the reason I can’t wait to finish work and go straight home cause I know I’ll see him again. He’s the reason I always smile looking at my phone. The only reason I’m always kilig. Making cute poses and slowly not knowing he’s sounding how I talk.

I will never promise anything that our relationship will be perfect, without flaws or without any fights to argue. But one thing I know, we’re a team and we will make this work.

For you James, sorry if I’m not perfect, sorry if I messed things up sometimes and sorry for being moody. Allow me to learn things and be better. I can never be too sure with anything right now, but what I’m 100% sure of is that I love you and you’re all that matters to me.

PS,
Feel so good to post something on my page, after 1 year and 2 months, I am writing again.

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The end is near…

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Finale. I hate season finale, especially if it’s “Girls”. I have this constant love for this series that each season is the best for me. And here we are with season 5; one of the most matured season ever.

It hits me so hard. I wasn’t expecting this intense drama, for all I know Hannah’s breakup with Adam was the saddest part and yet this season surprised me with so much more. I’ll tell briefly how each character made me fall in love with them.

/ HANNAH / 

You know how brave Hannah is in this season? 100% LIT. It’s so hard seeing her almost die upon knowing what’s the real deal with Adam & Jessa. Your ex and your bestfriend fucking and you don’t even have the slightest idea until it punch you in the face. Her parents, dealing with such a circumstance of divorce and knowing your dad is gay. Hannah is my spirit animal in this season. She mastered the art of not-giving-a-fuck and just move on.

/ JESSA /

Jessa was all good and changed, until she fucking ruins it by being with Adam. But I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, how can you not fall in love with Adam who’s totally been the sweetest guy in this season. YUP I WILL GIVE IN TOO. But what I like about Jessa is how true she is with herself, she has been the most sensible of them. Like I’ll pee in the street whenever I want because I can (that kind of attitude).

/ MARNIE /

I really don’t like Marnie at all, like ever, she’s been the bitchiest and the most selfish. But that one episode where it was just centered around her made me think “DAMN MARNIE MADE ME CRY”. Bringing Charlie back even if it’s just one episode made all the difference. Ending her relationship with Dessie was the best decision! They’re the worst couple made in this series. If anything else fails, I’d still hope she’ll end up with Charlie *crossing my finger*.

/ SHOSHANA /

Shosh has always been the less character in this series. I feel like one episode she’s there and the next 5 she’s nowhere to be found. But this season was all about Shosh!!! Shosh made me fall in love with Japan even more, and that japanese guy she hooked up with, vava-voom! SCORE! Honestly, the millennials will definitely feel in her shoes, I was Shosh 5 years ago and somehow still feels like her right now. Lying you’re okay and happy when in fact you’re at your deepest thoughts and position, YUP. But Shosh is so appropriate to be in Japan, the culture suits her so much.

/ RAY /

Can you guys please make Ray happy just for a single moment? He’s always in the worst situation. I pity him for some reason. He’s been there for everyone but no one’s there for him. I wanna be friends with him because he makes a lot of sense!

/ ADAM /

I’m still hoping you still have feelings for Hannah and that you both will get back together.

/ ELIJAH / 

You know Elijah is the type of friend that you can tell everything and he won’t judge you but will make you feel you fucked up with your life? Yaas, that’s him. At first I thought, he’s the happy-go-lucky guy but no, this dude is more serious than that. I love the fact that they keep him for the last 3 or 4 season because he balance things. This season was more for him than more for his friends. I was so damn happy when he finally got a guy, but I cried when he got dump. This guy deserves someone, and I mean it!

5 season and it never fails me. I still remember how young and crazy they were in the first season, and now that it all went down to season 5, geez they have matured so much, like me. I don’t want to think that season 6 will be their last. The agony of waiting for the next season is at phase now.

Thank you Girls, thank you for letting me feel you. Until the next season. Ciao!

-forever a girls fan-

25 THINGS I LEARNED NOW THAT I’M 25

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Just nurtured another year ahead of me and I can perfectly say that everything has been a roller coaster ride for me. Life, as you know. Being 25 is something to be excited about, after graduating from college, a lot of things have changed; appearance, lifestyle, relationship and even friends.

Allow me to share with you some of the things I learned while walking to the years of my young adulthood– 25:

  1. God always has plans for you.
  2. Treasure your Mother.
  3. Share things with your siblings.
  4. Make time for family gatherings.
  5. Stay connected with your friends.
  6. Don’t let stupid things ruin your friendship.
  7. Move & delete poison people from your life.
  8. Spend time with your grandparents.
  9. Don’t ever use someone or your situation for sympathy.
  10. Whatever comes out of your mouth, reflects your personality.
  11. Know when to shut up.
  12. Don’t make stupid things when your angry.
  13. If it doesn’t make you happy, let go.
  14. Social media will poison you in a way you’ll fake everything.
  15. Likes determined some people’s happiness.
  16. Some people don’t have manners, it shows on how they talk and act; don’t trust them.
  17. Priorities first before lust.
  18. Often people who talks about you are jealous of you.
  19. Your bestfriend automatically knows when you’re not okay.
  20. Don’t spend too much, save!
  21. Maturity comes in action, not just in words.
  22. Say sorry and ask forgiveness. Spill ugly things you did before.
  23. Don’t react over things that you’re not involve to.
  24. Justin Bieber is getting hotter.
  25. Grow up and make wonders, life will always be pretty and challenging.

Every year will always teach us something whether that’s good or bad, but always feel that those lessons will only make you a stronger version of yourself. So I didn’t blow any candles this year but I know whatever I’m looking forward to will comes in handy with the perfect timing and action.

Thank you to those who greeted and makes me feel special, I feel so love. And to those who I know will say something about my birthday because they’re shit, thank you still, thank you for making me special in your life.

xo Andy, 25 and growing! 🙂

And then it hits me!

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It’s been months since I have thought of writing this, and I think this is the right time. I have never been vocal to anything even when I feel backstabbed or whatever because to be honest I don’t have time for drama or high school fights, it was all silence. Few of my friends had been noticing me posting or making “parinig” on social media, and yet I have never told them anything since for me posting on my wall doesn’t necessarily mean I’m dissing someone or slamming someone, but in reality I am. I just kept it in silence because first, I’m an educated person to actually make “patol” or fight back, second, It’s not an obligation to like me or make friends with me, because I can never be friends with someone who thinks of me the other way of what they showed to me. And third, I will not tolerate such behavior, if I knew that you’re talking behind my back then it’s done. I don’t need your explanation or whatever reason you have for doing that, so let’s just leave everything in silence.

I have never met someone who feels so ahead of anyone else. You see, I am ambitious, I have always been like that but I will not blatantly “face palm” that in people’s faces because after all, I am not yet who I wanted to be. I have never met someone who comments to a lot of people, who says a lot of things to them, who creates issues and just make stories. I have never met anyone who manipulates people to get them on their side, that high school thing where if you’re my enemy and then you’re friends with me,  you better hate my enemy too. I have never met someone who constantly feel they’re superior to almost anyone in the world. And I have never met anyone who’s Ms-know-it-all. (Trust me there’s a lot but I’m not gonna mention it anymore)

I will not actually feel all of this if you have never ruined my TRUST. I regret trusting you, I regret telling you things that I hope you will understand. I was desperate that time, I needed someone to talk to, and yet you betrayed me. You betrayed me in the form of talking behind my back, which is so childish by the way. I thought you we’re there to support me, and honestly I think you were. I don’t understand why you have to be such a bitch! Why can’t you just be happy with people’s decision, or maybe why can you just be happy? I thought you we’re a good friend, but I realized you don”t really have a friend, because all you see are flaws and negativity and you always have something to say.

I think the reason why you’re doing all these talking behind everyone’s back is because you’re not happy with your life. Well let me tell you this, you can never be happy because all you do is non-sense! How can you be happy when all you see are distractions, instead of making yourself better, you make something worst out of it. But look at you now, all the things that are happening to you are not according to your plan. It was all unexpected, and all the things you say to those persons before are all coming back at you now!

Don’t worry this will be my last piece for you, because the universe have already align your destiny. But remember this, you’re not my friend anymore or maybe, we were never really friends.

“I am kind, if you’re kind to me. But if you’re a bitch, I’m way bitchier than you”

LETTING GO MEANS STARTING FRESH

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I have been working in a bank for 1 year and 11 months, and tomorrow I’m saying goodbye and bidding my last day working for them. It’s a privilege and I will always be thankful for the opportunity that has blessed upon me while staying with the company. But sometimes you have to let go of some things that somewhat changes you in time. I learned so many things that taught me to who I am today, from how I dress to how I act professionally. It’s not easy working on one of the top international corporation in the Philippines or in the world, you’ll meet different types of people in the society and that makes you challenge everyday. Some of them lived in a high fashion society and some of them are just like you, normal living person living in a normal society. It’s hard competing and proving yourself that you’re more than just a ‘tattooed-girl’ working in a bank. But nonetheless I strive still, I was so used to some people knowing me for my tattoos and that makes me special in some ways.

Some of the things I learned working in a corporate world is that:

  • You have to dress to impress= be Beyonce if you can be.
  • Expect discrimination= you’ll get used to it but you have to stand up for what is right or wrong. Always fight.
  • Competition will always be there= challenge yourself
  • But under the table negotiation happens= always look at your back
  • You have to act professionally and act at your best

But whatever reason I may have for leaving this company, I will always carry my learnings with me. I’ve met tons of amazing people that I call my friends now, because of them I stayed long enough. Again it’s all about re-evaluating yourself, if it’s not making you happy anymore then that’s the time to think. Always put your happiness first in achieving your dream goals, everything then follows.

I’m just so ready to start fresh with my new path and working in a new company!

8 RELATABLE QUOTES FROM GIRLS SEASON 4

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I have always been open and clear about liking GIRLS (tv series) and Lena Dunham from the start. You can see I posted my sincere love from this show if you go and scroll through my blog, or what the heck here’s the link– https://andymechado.wordpress.com/2014/10/21/lena-dunham-girls/ and I guess now you know my love for this show is worth my time watching all 4 seasons.

Now that season 4 is over, I have concluded that this is by far the best season of Girls. The show grow so much from just a typical story of four girls trying to survive the reality of life, but this time they matured and put their life accordingly. I have seen how much they changed from season 1 to now, and my love grow fuller that I can’t see this show ending very soon.

This season was so intense and dramatic, I’ve had few tearjerker moments. There was a lot of issues and problems they have encountered individually, like in this season Hannah’s Dad, Tad, honestly admitted almost at the end of the season that he was gay and how it changed their lives as a family. Also what makes me so sad in this season is when Adam & Hannah separated, it was so hard seeing my favorite couple in the show ending their imperfect but happy relationship. I cried when I saw Adam crying while breaking up with Hannah, it was extremely painful to see. There was also the I’m-perfect-job-hunt of Shosh where she had many rejections and face palm her the reality of graduating after. Marnie’s engagement is so crazy I’m glad Desi back out, seriously. And I love how Girls focus more of the story to Ray as well, he’s been a real deal in this show and he has a lot of quotable lines as well. He’s pretty smart.

Speaking of quoting lines in the show, I’d like to share with you some of my favorite quotes from this season that will teach, or more of advices to us from life and love;

Mimi-Rose on the beauty of her relationship with Adam:

“No I don’t need you, but I love coming home and knowing you’re behind the door.” (Episode 6)


Hannah in response to a third offer for tea:

“Why is everyone acting like tea is some sort of magic elixir that will make it so Adam doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore?” (Episode 5)


Hannah, finally willing to accept that her relationship is over:

“So I guess we’re not like, some great artistic love story.” (Episode 5)


Life advice from Hannah’s dad:

“All I’m saying is that sometimes the stupidest f**kin’ decision in the world is the right decision for you.” (Episode 4)


Shosh on love:

“People always talk about how love is like the strongest emotion. But I was scared, and sometimes that’s even stronger.” (Episode 4)


Hannah protesting the concept of “TMI”:

“By the way, TMI is such an outdated concept. There’s no such thing as too much information, this is the information age!” (Episode 2)


Jessa on Hannah’s choice to leave New York:

“You’re pussying out on this whole thing. The thing that we’re all trying to do, which is make it work regardless of location, right where we are.” (Episode 1)


Hermie giving advice to Shosh on choosing between career or love:

“I’m gonna tell you something. Be the walker, not the dog. This is your “lean in” moment. This is your moment to lean in. You don’t want to be dependent on some guy, some nerd. Don’t give the power to your partner. Grab a seat at the table and lean the f*ck in. And if this guy’s worth his salt, he’ll be waiting for you at the airport when you return. This is for you, taking what’s yours. Attainment. Achievement. This is your time to grasp your destiny.” (Episode 10)

Now, it’s time to wait for Season 5!

MUSIC HOUR: MIXTAPE VOL 01

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I’m very fond of music all my life, but this will be my first time to create a playlist/mixtape on Spotify.

I will have this area in my blog which I will share with you kinds of music I listened and enjoy pretty much. From albums to playlist for the day. I have this app called 8tracks and Spotify which I always listened every now and then, you can download them for free but often times it will require you to switch premium. I always bump to these awesome mixtape that I can’t keep it to myself and share it with you guys. But right now this playlist is by yours truly, FYI I’m huge fan of RnB/hiphop songs so I have created this one for you to have that little grind/sexy dance to get you in the mood for the day.

Enjoy and share the good Thursday vibes! ❤

Quarter Life Crisis

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Have you ever had those days where you just realized all the wrong things in your life and you just started to feel the anxiety? Well we all have those kinds of days, aren’t we? Life as we know it. It turns us to some creature who doesn’t want to communicate or be hang around. We turned into monsters that people will get scared talking to you because you have this little world you call agony. You suddenly look at your life a little less important because you feel like shit and you don’t know what happen to you after all this years of existence. You begin to be depressed because you all have these people around you being successful and everything and here you are, nothing. It hits you so hard you wanna punch yourself in the face just for you to feel that this is the reality your living.

QUARTER LIFE CRISIS, is a period of life usually ranging from the late teens to the early thirties, in which a person begins to feel doubtful about their own lives, brought on by the stress of becoming an adult. –Wikipedia

I don’t wanna punch myself in the face right now, I don’t wanna wake up to the reality that I’m still this girl making life decisions not knowing until when. Sure I’m young but when you get into my head, all kinds of things run there and you’ll get crazy of how crazy it is. I miss school, I miss going to school, I miss being at school and I miss learning. I wanna go back and stop from there. It was simple back then, sleep-eat-school repeat. I wanna travel back in time and change everything that wasn’t suppose to happen. I wanna take back everything I’ve said and done. But I can’t go back anymore, I’m now living to the present. I need to face my present life and deal with it.

Being a grown up now takes you to so many responsibilities and you’re not quite sure of the choices you’re making. You have to start budgeting and value little things. You have to work for you to eat. You need to take extra precautions that some of your colleagues are not trust-worthy. You need to have that perfect love story and get married, have children. Then sooner or later you’ll divorced. You’ll feel too far from your friends and communication won’t be there all the time and finding time will be cruel. Your body changes overnight.

That’s what everybody goes through, and you will always get emotional, one moment your happy then minutes later you’re thinking of so many things you become sad. Point is, this kind of crisis will always happen and will eventually happen whether or not we may see it coming, you will always feel like shit. But it’s up to how to handle it. xx

How to get through Valentines

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This post is only for the single people out there. If you’re in a relationship then congratulations, you must feel very important or at least expecting something awesome from your partner. (That doesn’t sound bitter, right?) However, you single ladies/gentlemen don’t feel bad on this day because there’s nothing to mourn about other than getting pissed seeing couples out there on the streets. Yes you will see a lot of them cuddling, being PDA’s or tons of bouquets spreads or even hotels/motels will be fully booked. You will feel like there’s no place for you other than your room, where you will crumpled and listen to some heartbreaking songs. But take it easy, I’ve made some lists for you to consider doing on this day.

Let’s get started;

1. Treat this day normal, wake up in the morning like it’s just an ordinary day, well actually this is just an ordinary day, it’s not a holiday though it’s somewhat special for couples. Going back, do your daily routines still, jogged, exercise, got to school or go to work. Make this day sensible for your everyday basics.

2. Celebrate with your friends, remember you’re not the only single person in this world, you will always have friends who are also single. So instead of sleeping, why not go out with them, have dinner, watched a movie or go shopping. It will always feel good to be surrounded with people who can deal with your emotions.

3. Celebrate with your family, just being with your family is a great way to pass by Valentines. Whether your sister or your brother is in a relationship, you still have your parents who I know will support you on being single. They will always be there for you that will make you feel loved on this day.

4. Celebrate by yourself, it’s not being alone, celebrating by yourself means you are free, you can do whatever you want. It make look different to others, but if that’s what you want then there’s nothing wrong about it. You can actually celebrate being single, if you recently got into a break-up or you’re done with your fling relationship, then it’s time for you to be alone and enjoy this day without getting sad. Have a date with yourself. Go to your room, watched a movie, eat plenty of foods, go online, listen to new artists/albums or read awesome books.

5. Go to places, if your single and you don’t want to waste this day then go out. There are many places that you can go which are crowded and all kinds of people will be there. I bet there’s a lot of events going on to this day so you can choose from all those parties and there will be events for single people, who knows maybe you can meet someone.

No one said that this day should be for lovers only, it’s a typical reaction of people not being able to celebrate this with a special someone. But no one said that you cannot celebrate this day. Yes being in a relationship would still be great, but odds are not always in your favor. You cannot dictate your destiny, if the universe decided to leave you loveless on this day then suck it up. Don’t feel sad or don’t panic if you don’t have a date on this day, it’s not a requirement to go out with someone on Valentines.

Always remember that Valentines is Valentines, we cannot change the fact that this day is special for couples and we cannot skip this day just because your single, but there are plenty of things you can do to make this day special for you. And for you lovers out there, remember that you don’t have to make your partner feel loved on Valentines only, it should be everyday plus you still have monthsary or anniversary to celebrate.

What’s in my bag?

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This is the first time that I will share what’s in my bag for the past 3 years. I guess maybe because I don’t have those fancy things to boast before, but let’s NOT assume I have fancy things now. Since I’m working already I can buy things by my means and because of installments. TADA! Anyway, these are the things I always have wherever I go, things I can’t leave without my possesion.

While writing this I have She & Him newest album– Classics in the background, and it’s so soothing I can focus so bad. 🙂

So let’s starting checking my things:

1. Eyeglasses, I cannot and will definitely not leave this since I have blurry eyes and I don’t like wearing contact lenses. I started wearing prescription glasses in my 2nd year of high school, but this is actually a family inherits. Almost all of my relatives wear glasses so I never wonder why I have such thing. And this has been my 5th since I always broke if not lost them.

2. Wallet, I’m always a fan of big wallets, maybe because I always kept so many little papers. And because I like too much space like for different cards, I love having cards in my wallet. I have everything on my wallet so let’s not open it anymore since it looks like a jungle inside. Haha I personally love this Charles & Keith wallet because it’s so durable and classy.

3. Planner, the thing about this is that I always have them in my bag but not really use them. I mean all my planners before was just a display in my bag. I always say I will try to write things there that I will put on my blogs before but never did it, I’m too lazy to hand write anyways. But I guess now I’ll always carry this for memories and future reference on my blog. I’m not promising anything.

4. Hand lotion, I started having hand lotion few months ago actually. I love moisturising my hands now because I always smell my hands and press them firmly. Weird. I have many lotions that I never use but my favorite right now is Sweet Serendipity By Bench, it’s so soft and smell so good. This is a gift from one of my closest boss in the office and I’m glad he pick this one. He’s a guy though.

5. Make-up Kit, this one is my favorite ever!  I have this big purse that has all my make-ups, from my lipsticks, foundation, contouring, etc. I’ll have another blog discussing this and all my favourite lipsticks. Most of my officemates notice me because of the different shades of lipstick that I wear everyday. I have never been good at make-ups before, all I know is what looks good on me and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. But right now, I have learned few techniques with the help of my colleagues and youtube!

So there you go, there are things left in my bag that I will never discuss anymore. I guess these are what’s important to me. And yes as you can see most of my things are black. That answers your question, I love things black!